


let me love you

by cloudykozume



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Bokuaka - Freeform, Crying, Fear of love, How Do I Tag, Kissing, M/M, Maybe OOC, No Beta, Not Beta Read, What am I doing, bokuto gets slapped, self indulgent, soulmates but only a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24225064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudykozume/pseuds/cloudykozume
Summary: Akaashi didn’t understand the concept of love. You catch feelings for someone, in hopes that they feel the same way you do. Sometimes it works out and you both go on to get married and live a happy life together. But then most of the time it doesn’t work and your heart gets broken.So yeah, Akaashi didn’t get love.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 60





	let me love you

Akaashi didn’t understand the concept of love. You catch feelings for someone, in hopes that they feel the same way you do. Sometimes it works out and you both go on to get married and live a happy life together. But then most of the time it doesn’t work and your heart gets broken.

So yeah, Akaashi didn’t get love. 

He didn’t have any interest in finding that one person, or his “soulmate” as people called them. Even if he believed in them, he didn’t want to find his. All that mattered to Akaashi was here and now.

He was a second year at a powerhouse school, Fukurōdani. He was the setter and vice captain for the volleyball team, his grades were steady and he had plenty of friends, well volleyball friends that is. He didn’t really care to talk to others outside of the volleyball club.

Akaashi did have a best friend however. His name was Bokuto Koutarou. Now when people see the two of them, the first thought that comes to mind is, “How the fuck does that work?” Because to an outsider, Bokuto and Akaashi were the complete opposite.

And that is true to some extent, Bokuto is loud and brash, he uses way too much product in his hair, his mood swings are awful, his grades could be a whole lot better, and overall he’s just overwhelming.

Akaashi is more timid, he would rather be inside most days unless he’s hanging out with Bokuto. Then he’ll want to get out because Bokuto always comes over with tons of energy and he won’t wanna sit inside to read or study. 

But the one thing that really sets these to apart would be Bokuto’s love for love itself. Akaashi calls him a hopeless romantic and Bokuto never denies his accusations. He wants to find his soulmate, his special person. He wants to take them on dates, hold their hand, kiss them, love them, just make them happy. He wants that more than anything and Akaashi just can’t understand why.

~

“Why don’t you wanna find your soulmate, Akaashi?” Bokuto had asked one night. 

They were on Bokutos roof, a common spot for the both of them to vent and just get away from the stress of being a high school student.

Akaashi cringed at the word “soulmate”. It sounded so overused, it was like a broken record, playing the same bland tune over and over again. But he still talked to Bokuto about them because he knew that he wanted to find his, and who was he to deny Bokuto anything?

“I just don’t see the need if there’s a chance you’re going to get completely heart broken.” Akaashi said, simply.

His words should’ve made Bokuto scared for the future, scared to find his soulmate, but they didn’t. He understood where Akaashi was coming from so he never pressured him into searching for his soulmate.

But oh how Bokuto wished Akaashi would just open his eyes. Only then would he see how much Bokuto loves him. 

But Bokuto kept that bit of information to himself and only nodded as a response.  
~

It was a particularly hot afternoon, the sun hammered down on the school, covering everyone with intense heat. That and also and the AC in the gym was broken so practicing felt more like torture.

Bokuto had ditched his shirt a while ago, along with Konoha and Akaashi. It was just too fucking hot for that. And what made it just a bit more unbearable was that Akaashi looked good, like really really good.

Bokuto couldn’t help but stare at his basically perfect figure, and the light sheet of sweat that ghosted over his chest and stomach made him want to scream. He had been missing spikes and his blocks were sluggish, Akaashi wanted to believe it was the heat making Bokuto act this way. It was just the heat, nothing else.

But then he made the strongest eye contact with Bokuto and he realized something. Bokuto was acting this way because of him. The realization made him self conscious, why would Bokuto be staring at him like? 

Oh god, Akaashi thinks. Please don’t do this to me, don’t be staring at me for that reason. Please let me be wrong.

Practice drags on for another hour and then they’re in the locker rooms. Bokuto emerges from the shower, his hair sitting flat on top of his head. Akaashi prefers it down rather than its usual spiked up state. He thinks Bokuto looks handsome like that, not that he’d ever admit it though. 

Akaashi closes his locker and turns around only to be met with Bokuto, who’s standing way too close for comfort. Out of instinct, Akaashi takes a step back, his back hits the locker and he can feel his heart rate picking up. From this distance he can clearly see the specks of brown in his golden eyes, he can also see the anxiety in them. That makes him just a bit more nervous.

“Bokuto-san?” 

Bokuto wants to say something, Akaashi can see it in his eyes. There’s something important on his mind, just begging to be said out loud.

“Akaashi I-“ Bokuto cuts himself off, instead of finishing his sentence, he leans in and cups Akaashi’s face.

Akaashi’s eyes go wide and his face flushes a deep shade of red. Out of pure panic, he shoves Bokuto away. They stare at each other for five treacherous seconds. Akaashi feels like throwing up and Bokuto looks like he’s seen a ghost. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Akaashi-“ He takes a step forward but abruptly stops when Akaashi holds up a shaky hand and flinches.

“N-no,” He stutters, “It’s ok.”

Akaashi doesn’t waste another second, he leaves as soon as Bokuto’s eyes fall to the floor. He runs out of the gym, not bothering to say goodnight to his teammates, who all watch him with confusion clear on their faces. 

“What was that all about?” Saru questions.

A few minutes later, Bokuto trudges out of the locker room and Konoha is the first one to run over to him.

“What happened to Akaashi?” Konoha asks, placing a gentle hand on Bokuto’s shoulder.

Bokuto doesn’t look at him, he doesn’t want to look at anyone else for the rest of the night. “I messed up, I messed up big time.” And with that, he leaves the gym.

~

It’s been a few weeks after the locker room incident and it’s definitely effected the teams dynamic. No one missed the decreasing number of tosses that were being sent to Bokuto or the lack of conversion that was happening between the two. They noticed how Akaashi was the first one off the court and the first one to leave every day now, not sparing Bokuto a single glance.

It was driving Bokuto absolutely crazy, he felt awful for doing that to Akaashi when he knows how much he hates those sorts of things. The team was suffering too, practice was way too quiet now that Bokuto wasn’t getting tossed to as much. There weren’t anymore cheers or a loud “HEY HEY HEY!” to lift their spirits either. They just watched as their team crumbled apart. And the preliminaries were coming up too, they didn’t have much time left to practice. But there wasn’t much they could do, maybe it was time to just accept it, they were totally fucked.

~

Akaashi was a mess. He paces back and forth in his room, mentally screaming at himself. It had been weeks since Bokuto had tried to kiss him but he couldn’t stop the burning feeling on his cheek where Bokuto’s hand had been. 

“Why did I push him away?” He asks himself.

He wanted to slap himself for even asking such a question. Bokuto was his best friend, why ruin it with a relationship. A messy, troublesome relationship where they’ll both end up hurt in the end? It wouldn’t work, it couldn’t. Bokuto was a year older than him and would be leaving for university soon, he would move on without Akaashi. He would fall in love with someone and he would be happy, they would both be happy.

But a small voice in the back of Akaashi’s head was telling him not to let Bokuto get away that easily. And he wanted to listen to it, he wanted Bokuto back. His life was gray without him, it was boring and bitter. It was coffee with no sugar, it was cake with no frosting. It was horrible, agonizing even.

But then there was the louder voice in his head, the voice that told him that Bokuto would leave him to rot, he would take what he wanted and leave. He would disappear without a trace. The voice reminded Akaashi that he hated sweet coffee and that he hated frosting, it reminded Akaashi that life was fine with Bokuto just being his friend and only that. 

But still, Akaashi craved for more, he knew he wanted more and knew Bokuto wanted it too. He just can’t bring himself to trust anyone with his heart. 

Akaashi was torn from his thought when he heard a loud knock at his front door. He quickly made his way through his house and opened the door. When he opened it, part of him wanted to slam the door right back and go straight to bed. But he didn’t.

Bokuto stood there, soaking wet.

Akaashi didn’t even know that it was raining. It was absolutely pouring down and Bokuto was out in it?! Akaashi practically dragged Bokuto inside and slammed his door shut. He yanked Bokuto’s arm and lead him to the bathroom, neither of them said a word.

He gave Bokuto a towel and a spare change of clothes that he always had just in case of situations like these. He could tell Bokuto had something to say but he refused to listen until he was dry.

Once Bokuto was dressed, Akaashi took his wet clothes and ran them through wash. He then made his way back to his room where he found Bokuto sitting on the edge of his bed.

“What are you doing here, Bokuto san?” Akaashi said, trying to keep his voice calm. 

“You could get sick, you know? We need you, so please try not to be so careless and-“ He cuts himself off when he notices the state Bokuto’s in.

He was still shaking, but Akaashi wasn’t sure if it was from the nerves or from the cold, maybe it was a mix of both.

“I missed you.” Is all Bokuto can say before he’s crying and purely out of instinct, Akaashi rushes to his his side.

He hold Bokuto in his arms and lets him cry, trying to ignore the burning in his chest and the stinging in his eyes. “I missed you so much Keiji.”

Akaashi grits his teeth and he shoves Bokuto out of his arms, the hurt expression on his face makes Akaashi’s heart shatter, but he’s just so angry and him, he’s not sure why, maybe it’s because he used his given name.

“Don’t you dare do that to me. Bokuto-san. Please don’t do this.” 

“Do what?! If this is about what happened that day, i’m truly sorry-“

“Forget about that, I don’t care!” Lies, Akaashi does care. 

“Don’t say my name like that, please.” Akaashi begs, tears welling up in his eyes.

Bokuto is confused. “Like what?”

“Like you’re in love with me.”

Bokuto sighs as he rests his face in his hands. Akaashi wants him to leave now. He wants him out of his house so he can cry, he needs to fall apart but not in front of Bokuto, never in front of Bokuto.

“But I am.” 

And that’s when Akaashi snaps. He stands up and he slaps Bokuto hard across the face. Bokuto doesn’t get angry, he doesn’t freak out like Akaashi hoped he would. He wants him gone, if he stays any longer, Akaashi might actually drop out of school and leave himself.

“No you’re not! Don’t ever say that again!” Akaashi cries. 

“But why?” Bokuto is standing up now.

They’re so close, but not as close as they were in the locker room. Akaashi still feels like he’s suffocating, he needs to breath. It’s like no matter how deep of a breath it is, he’s not getting any oxygen. He has this desperate longing for something and he’s not getting it.

“You can’t love me, Bokuto. You just can’t.” He didn’t add “san”. He must be really upset about this, Bokuto thinks.

“Why not? Why can’t I?” Bokuto gently cups his face, forcing Akaashi to look at him.

“You’re leaving soon, and that means you’ll be leaving me too. I don’t want to be in love with you just for you to replace me with somebody else.”

“Akaashi, I would never replace you. I wouldn’t even think about that.”

Akaashi shakes his head and pushes Bokuto’s hands away. “You’ll be happier without me.”

“Shut up, Keiji.”

“Excuse me?”

“Shut up. Don’t you do that. Don’t you decide what’s best for me.”

Akaashi stays silent. “I know I’m in love with you, I know you’re the only one I want. I’m happy with you, you’ve made me the happiest person ever! Do you know how miserable I was without you?! I wanted to die!”

That last sentence breaks Akaashi’s heart just a little more. He can’t speak just yet, there’s more Bokuto wants to says. He slowly makes his way over to Akaashi and brings his hands up. When he grabs his face again, Akaashi lets him. 

“Please let me love you.” He whispers.

“Ok.” Akaashi chokes out.

“Ok.” Bokuto echoes.

“Can I kiss you?” 

“Yes,” Akaashi says immensely. “yes please please-“

“Keiji you don’t have to beg, you know I’ll give you whatever you want.” 

Akaashi lets out one more cry before he feels Bokuto’s lips pressed against his. His lips aren’t chapped like Akaashi thought they would be. They’re actually very soft and they taste sweet. 

Akaashi has never been fond of sweets but he thinks maybe this could be the only exception.


End file.
